Who really knows ? (Other than the ‘Cosmic Birther of all Radiance and Vibration’ .)
Elderhood involves letting all preconceptions fall away
It involves acceptance not just of growing older and gradual physical decline
But also acceptance of all of one’s own shortcomings
Along with all of one’s own magnificences.
Of humbly touching the earth yet daring to fly
Of embracing silence and death as one’s most intimate allies
Yet having the courage to stand up and speak out when soul calls.
Of gradually returning to source – of radical acceptance , total surrender and of fully inhabiting the breath
Of recognising in each stained glass piece of ‘others ‘, the reflected colours of my own being – that the picture depends on each part of the pattern being present, accepted and valued:
That we all count
We each have part of the key to the whole. That we are each an integral part of that whole
I am you and you are me and that art thee and we are all together ( to paraphrase John Lennon’s ‘I am the Walrus ‘ )
Of having given up the self and instead serving the Self
Of serving that which is beyond measure
Of serving that which is beyond words
Of serving that which sings and dances in the moonlight of the soul.
What is it to be an elder ?
Other than to be prepared to give totally of one’s being
Of being present to the present:
To offer a present through presence.
To witness without words.
What is it to be an elder?
To still not know
To still be young at heart
To still be learning
To still make mistakes
To surrender to humility
Without judgement
Without caring what others think
Yet caring totally and abandonedly.
Mudita *
* Mudita is a Sanskrit word – we don’t have an equivalent word in English. It means sympathetic joy – literally “ your joy is my joy “. It is how I seek to live my life and I love the way it works. I’d go so far as to say that it is the key to a contented and fulfilled life.
The Journey From Boy Psychology to King Psychology
Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette have written about how our era has been impacted by people who cannot step into their own power as sovereign in their own kingdom. One client with whom I worked for a time on his emotional maturity, wrote this text and specifically asked me to publish it online in case it benefited others. So, read on…
I grew up in a family with two infantile parents. Psychologically they were children all their lives. Indeed, the nearer they got to death, the more they retreated into a childlike place and wanted to be cared for.
But it was a dynamic that I remember as far back as I can go. Even as a child I knew I was somehow expected to make decisions and “do the thinking” for my family.
I guess every family has its own unique dynamic, but ours was very peculiar. Because half the time I was applauded for what I thought, and half the time I was ridiculed.
And there’s a difficulty for every child in this situation: to be an adult, to be a sovereign for the rest of the family when you only have a child’s view and understanding of the world, is an impossible situation to be in.
Well, at least that’s how I felt and experienced it. The impossibility of ever being good enough. The responsibility of looking after my own parents. How perverse! What a way to develop a sense of infantile grandiosity.
It made me grow up quickly – but perhaps not in a very functional way. Taking responsibility as a child for the people who should have been sovereigns in my world was never going to work for anyone, least of all me.
The sense of being on my own in every decision I took, a sense that no one would help me, and perhaps even that sense of infantile grandiosity – these were the things that accompanied me into my adult life.
Mind you, one bonus was that I developed a bloody good magician whose capacity for solving problems and coming up with creative ideas has really helped me in life!
And I’ve seen that in others too: where a child has to constantly prove how good he or she is, there tends to develop a striving for achievement. That certainly happened for me: it was a way of proving to myself and to the world that in fact I was good enough, despite my family’s best efforts to exploit me and convince me I wasn’t good enough at the same time.
And in adulthood, of course, comes another challenge. To undo the isolation, to undo the wound of “not being good enough”, and to find my own path to true sovereignty.
As Rumi said: “It’s your road, and yours alone, others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you.”
The Lover archetype manifests clearly in our way of working. Artists and creators, musicians, poets, sculptors, writers – all of these occupations clearly are channelling some aspect of Lover energy. You see, creativity is linked to sensuality and sensitivity, and the ability to portray the human condition in a way that invokes feelings in the people who see that art.
As many have noted, artists often have messy lives. Men and women of an artistic disposition often live in ways which frighten and threaten other people, but they are generally true to themselves and their own deepest impulses.
Equally, psychics appear to be coming from the Lover archetype. They too live in a world of sensation and deeply felt intuition. They too may be psychically unboundaried, and experience other people’s thoughts and feelings. They may, of course, also unconsciously allow their energy to flow out to others as well.
Impressions, feelings and intuitions about other people or about the past, present or future are all a part of the psychic’s Lover archetype. Indeed, intuition in general is an essential element of this part of our psyche.
But don’t think that Lover energy is all about being an artist or a psychic!
So many more simple life experiences, the ones where your emotions and feelings are activated, reside in the quarter of the Lover. Running your hand along the beautiful lines of a superbly engineered car, or admiring the power of an ancient steam engine can be powerful and sensual experiences for the Lover archetype. Even savouring great wine or coffee or chocolate are also activating for the Lover archetype.
In essence, when you’re working from your Lover archetype, you’re coming from your heart rather than your mind.
The Lover allows us to be who we are – to actually fulfil our destiny as human “beings” rather than human “doings”.
The Lover in Love
The most obvious expression of the Lover in our lives is in our love life, our sex life. Indeed, for most people in Western society, this is the area where the Lover finds most action.
Falling in love is the epitome of the Lover archetype. This is a place where rational thought and balanced action give way to sensation and feeling. The joy of unity with another at the moment of orgasm is boundary-less.
To be able to delight in the beloved in every way – presence, touch, words, sight and sensation – is to actually feel more alive and to see the world more clearly.
Sadly, many of us are brought up in a way that seems to somehow inculcate disapprove of the expression of the Lover’s archetypal energy, and so we repress it.
Yet because the root of this energy is a desire for connection – connection with the world, or connection with ourselves, or connection with others – it will find its expression in one form or another.
And it’s important to understand that the Lover archetype is actually the source of some of our greatest masculine power.
When we have a strong internal sovereign or King, we can connect with the Lover and ensure that our ego is maintained as a whole and inherently strong part of us.
Then, we feel connected, we feel alive, we are passionate and energised. We feel our ability to empathise, to be strong and to support others. All of us – men and women alike – need the Lover archetype to connect us fully to life and indeed to ourselves.
Lover energy energises us, humanises us, and indeed ultimately gives us a sense of purpose: to connect with others. You see, the one major purpose of this energy in adult life is to allow us to connect with other people: for connection is a vital part of the human condition – without true connection we wither and die emotionally, perhaps even physically. That is, I am sure, why 12 step programs can be so successful – they provide an energy that comes from the experience of connection.
If you have been on a well-held workshop you have probably come away feeling whole and happier at the end. The question you might ask yourself is whether this was due to the content to the workshop or due to the close connection between the participants which can develop so rapidly in this kind of environment.
If you accept that precept, then of course being in some kind of men’s group is naturally a healing experience. I run workshops from time to time, which you can read about here. (If you read the testimonials, you will see that men speak of the value of connection over and over.) So where else can you find a men’s group? To start with a few suggestions: first, my colleague Sam Adams runs men’s groups. In addition there are several nationwide UK organisations which you may find helpful: Andys mens clubs, for one. Men Speak offers another valuable outlet. And you can find a very useful summary here. You will also undoubtedly find local groups if you search for ” men’s groups in …”
Of course other archetypes have their own mission and purpose, but connection and flow are the driving forces behind the Lover.
That energy, that impulse to connect in a loving way with others, that urge to express creativity, that sense of intuition, all make up the humanising force which maintains our compassion and sense of oneness with others.
Why would she or he want boundaries? They only interfere with her or his desire to connect!
And this energy sees little need for rules and regulations. So a man or woman who spends most time in the Lover archetype may stand out because of his or her individuality and their different way of being in the world (compared, that is, to most other people). This different approach to life can be scary to those who are not coming from the same place.
You’d be right to assume that the Lover archetype almost works in opposition to the other archetypes of the mature masculine.
Certainly the Warrior, the King and even the Magician are, to some degree, concerned with boundaries, definitions and containment, as well as order and discipline.
But the Lover is about freedom, sensuality, joy and happiness, and so of course there will be conflicts between them.
Unfortunately if we choose to be bound by those conventions, and disconnect from the freedom of the Lover archetype, we disconnect from our own vital essence. That’s because the Lover archetype contains the primal force of our essence of life, and to be disconnected from the Lover archetype means to be disconnected from a vital part of who we are.
I think many of us secretly admire the man or woman of passion who lives life from a messy, unboundaried, creative, maybe even artistic place. We recognise this as a more authentic way of being in the world, perhaps.
The Lover archetype is primal. It’s deep within us, and a very important part of our essence as human beings. Which is why wishing feelings away or trying to suppress them is only going to lead to problems.
In particular our capacity to love is a fundamental part of who we are.
But all of this feeling energy can represent a threat to the established order, and in particular to the tyrannical King who needs men to suppress their feelings so they can go into battle and be slaughtered without protest.
It also represents a threat to the Magician who might want to manipulate others, yet knows that the Lover archetype is all too aware of his strategies.
With the threat of job losses, economic contraction, and more arduous terms and conditions for employees, you might be considering a career in which you can be your own boss.
A career as a therapist can provide you with the freedom to work from home at times that suit you, as well as offering a very rewarding career guiding people to fulfill their potential. And the financial rewards can be substantial, too.
If you’re interested in the possibilities which such a career offers, check out Marianne Hill’s training course, where you can explore the possibilities of shadow work training.
Marianne is highly experienced shadow work practitioner and trainer, with years of experience n running both groups and individual sessions. Her sensitivity and skill are evident in her approach to each client, and she offers group introductory workshops to shadow work. These events can really give you a sense of the possibilities this empowering, effective and practical therapy offers.